Donkey in the Well

   One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.  The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.  He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him.  They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. 

At first, when the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.  A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw.

As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something amazing.  He would shake it off and take a step up.  As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.  Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.
 
                          The Moral:

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds dirt.  The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.  We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
                         

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

            1.  Free your heart from hatred.
            2.  Free your mind from worries.
            3.  Live simply.
            4.  Give more.
            5.  Expect less.

    O.K., that's enough of that B.S.  ...

The donkey later came back, caught the farmer out in the field and kicked the living crap out of him.  Then he went over to each of his neighbors farms and kicked the crap out of them for helping.

  The REAL Moral:

When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you!

All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My Horse

1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.

 The Sparrow and the Crap

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.  However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly changed his mind and decided that he had better fly south. 

In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he could fly no further. Nearly frozen, he fell to Earth in a barnyard.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow.

He sputtered and choked and thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!

Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing! Just then a large cat came by and heard the chirping.  The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him!

The Moral of the Story:

Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.  Everyone who gets you out of crap, is not necessarily your friend.  If you are warm and happy in a pile of crap, you just might want to keep your mouth shut

 Full of Crap

There was a fly buzzing around the barn one day, When he flew by a pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate!

Finally, he decided that he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. But he had eaten too much though and could not get off the ground.

As he looked around, wondering what to do about the situation, he spotted a pitch fork, leaning up against the wall.

Aha! he thought… “If I can just get airborne, I can take flight.”

He climbed up the pitch fork to the very top and jumped off. He was wrong! He dropped like a rock and hit the floor with a big SPLAT!

             The Moral of the Story:

Never fly off the handle when you’re full of crap! 

To Right A Horse 

Mounting a horse is actually very easy if it is done properly. A rider can only mount a horse from one side because a horse only likes to be mounted from one side. The left side is right and the right side is wrong. You're right to be left and wrong to be right. If you mount from the front, you mount from the right, which is then the left because your right is its left, and the left the right, keeping in mind that the left is right and the right is wrong. Put your left to your right and step so your right is to the wrong and now your right is opposite its left and left the right. To right right is to the left and to right is wrong is to the right, but backwards, the right is right and the left is wrong only when your right is on its wrong, and the left is on its right. Switching right to left and left to right is wrong. Right is wrong and left is right only from the front or else the left is right and the right is wrong. 

When I Am An Old Horsewoman

I shall wear turquoise and diamonds,
And I shall spend my social security on
white wine and carrots,
And sit in my alley-way of my barn
And listen to my horses breathe
I will sneak out in the middle of a summer night
And ride the old paint gelding,
Across the moonstruck meadow
If my old bones will allow
And when people come to call, I will smile and nod
As I walk past the gardens to the barn
and show instead the flowers growing
inside stalls fresh-lined with straw
I will shovel and sweat and wear hay in my hair
as if it were a jewel
And I will be an embarrassment to all
Who will not yet have found the peace in being free
to have a horse as a best friend
A friend who waits at midnight hour
With muzzle and nicker and patient eyes
For the kind of woman I will be
When I am old.
 

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In Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling!

Is this a Disco Dude legacy or what....

Do you see any likeness?

Disco Dude is an APHA Champion with 64 Lifetime Halter Points including 3 Grand Champion Halter and a Superior in Halter.  He earned 27 Lifetime Performance Points including 12 Western Pleasure, 9 Hunter Under Saddle,3 Heading, 1 Heeling and 2 Steer Stopping.  Disco Dude also has ROM's in Western Pleasure.

Disco Dude is the sire of Friday Night Disco, the dam to these colts. She had a sorrel overo filly in 2000, and a bay overo colt this year, but other than that, these are the boys she has produced thus far.... Pretty consistent, eh?  

..Sire: Q Ton Chief Eagle

Sire: Lovin R Poco Royal...

King Arthur...

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with ArthurHe said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below.

BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

 
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?
 
The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly!