should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a
pretty, well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, WOW, what a ride!" - AUTHOR
Opportunist or thief?
Did ya hear about the
depressed horse? ....He told a tale of whoa!
Do ya know how jockeys
determine which racehorses are the favorites? ...They take gallop polls!
to make a SMALL fortune in the horse industry ...Start with a LARGE fortune.
Donkey in the Well
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The
animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to
do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each
grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, when the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later,
the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw.
As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something
amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the
farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt
on top of the animal, he would shake it off and
take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as the donkey stepped up
over the edge of the well and trotted off.
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds dirt. The trick to getting
out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles
is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not
stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
O.K., that's enough
of that B.S. ...
The donkey later came back, caught the farmer out in the field and kicked
the living crap out of him. Then he went over to each of his neighbors
farms and kicked the crap out of them for helping.
The REAL Moral:
When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you!
The Old Man, The Boy
and The Donkey
old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey
and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who
remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The
man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.
Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that
little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed
some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent
donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.
they passed some people that
shamed them by saying how awful to put
such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right,
so they decided to carry the donkey. As
they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into
the river and drowned.
moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass good-bye!
Horse sense is usually
found in people with a stable mind!
Quality is like buying
oats. If you want good, clean oats you must pay a fair price. However, if
you are satisfied with oats that have already been through the horse....well,
they are a little cheaper!
All I Need to Know in Life I Learned From My
1. When in doubt, run far, far away.
2. You can never have too many treats.
3. Passing gas in public is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. New shoes are an absolute necessity every 6 weeks.
5. Ignore cues. They're just a prompt to do more work.
6. Everyone loves a good, wet, slobbery kiss.
7. Never run when you can jog. Never jog when you can walk. And never walk when
you can stand still.
8. Heaven is eating for at least 10 hours a day... and then sleeping the rest.
10. Eat plenty of roughage.
11. Great legs and a nice rear will get you anywhere. Big, brown eyes help too.
12. When you want your way, stomp hard on the nearest foot.
13. In times of crisis, take a poop.
14. Act dumb when faced with a task you don't want to do.
15. Follow the herd. That way, you can't be singled out to take the blame.
16. A swift kick in the butt will get anyone's attention.
17. Love those who love you back, especially if they have something good to eat.
Sparrow and the Crap
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming
sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the
weather turned so cold that he reluctantly changed his mind and decided that
he had better fly south.
In a short time, ice began to form on his
wings and he could fly no further. Nearly frozen, he fell to Earth in a
A cow passed by and crapped on the little
He sputtered and choked and thought it was
the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!
Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started
to sing! Just then a large cat came by and heard the chirping. The cat
cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him!
Moral of the Story:
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily
your enemy. Everyone who gets you out of crap, is not necessarily your
friend. If you are warm and happy in a pile of crap, you just might
want to keep your mouth shut
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the Foaling Mares Secret Code
was a fly buzzing around the barn one day, When he flew by a pile of fresh
cow manure. Since it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and
began to eat. He ate and ate and ate!
Finally, he decided that he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. But he
had eaten too much though and could not get off the ground.
looked around, wondering what to do about the situation, he spotted a pitch
fork, leaning up against the wall.
thought… “If I can just get airborne, I can take flight.”
climbed up the pitch fork to the very top and jumped off. He was wrong! He
dropped like a rock and hit the floor with a big SPLAT!
The Moral of the Story:
Never fly off the handle when you’re full of crap!
To Right A Horse
a horse is actually very easy if it is done properly. A rider can only mount a
horse from one side because a horse only likes to be mounted from one side. The
left side is right and the right side is wrong. You're right to be left and
wrong to be right. If you mount from the front, you mount from the right, which
is then the left because your right is its left, and the left the right, keeping
in mind that the left is right and the right is wrong. Put your left to your
right and step so your right is to the wrong and now your right is opposite its
left and left the right. To right right is to the left and to right is wrong is
to the right, but backwards, the right is right and the left is wrong only when
your right is on its wrong, and the left is on its right. Switching right to
left and left to right is wrong. Right is wrong and left is right only from the
front or else the left is right and the right is wrong.
When I Am An Old Horsewoman
I shall wear turquoise and diamonds,
And I shall spend my social security
white wine and carrots,
And sit in my alley-way of my barn
And listen to my horses breathe
I will sneak out in the middle of a
And ride the old paint gelding,
Across the moonstruck meadow
If my old bones will allow
And when people come to call, I will
smile and nod
As I walk past the gardens to the
and show instead the flowers growing
inside stalls fresh-lined with straw
I will shovel and sweat and wear hay
in my hair
as if it were a jewel
And I will be an embarrassment to all
Who will not yet have found the peace
in being free
to have a horse as a best friend
A friend who waits at midnight hour
With muzzle and nicker and patient
For the kind of woman I will be
When I am old.
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Canada, we have two seasons...six months of winter and six months of poor
Is this a Disco Dude
legacy or what....
Do you see any
Disco Dude is an APHA
Champion with 64 Lifetime Halter Points including 3 Grand Champion Halter and a
Superior in Halter. He earned 27 Lifetime Performance Points including 12
Western Pleasure, 9 Hunter Under Saddle,3 Heading, 1 Heeling and 2 Steer
Stopping. Disco Dude also has ROM's in Western Pleasure.
Disco Dude is the sire of Friday Night Disco, the dam to these colts. She had a
sorrel overo filly in 2000, and a bay overo colt this year, but other than that,
these are the boys she has produced thus far.... Pretty consistent, eh?
Ton Chief Eagle
Lovin R Poco Royal
Lovin R Poco Royal...
King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring
kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth
and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could
answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the
answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex
even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an
impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the
monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the
priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but
no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom
for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the
witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her
price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir
Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's
Young Arthur was horrified. She was
hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made
obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in
all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with ArthurHe said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the
preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great
truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific
experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded
Lancelot asked what had happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared
as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half
the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show
off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old
witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by
night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
chose is below.
BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time
because he had
respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is..... If you don't let
a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly!
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