On the first day, God
created the Horse...
You may be sitting there thinking that you are OK, and don't really need any help. It is not easy to realize that you are a horse-aholic, and even harder to bring yourself to a HA meeting for help. HA is there to assist you. We have some questions to ask to try to determine if you can be helped.
If you answered YES to three of these questions, you are in pretty good shape. You will lead a long, dull life, and never call your mother and tell her "I'm in the hospital, but everything is fine! The horse is OK."
If you answered YES to 10, you are in serious trouble. Give in gracefully, and become a member of Horse-Alcoholics Anonymous now... You will qualify eventually anyway.
If you answered YES to 15 or more, you are incurable.
Our advice to those who, like us, are incurable is as follows.....
Sit back, smile, read your magazines, newsletters and emails, and know that your life will always be filled with good friends and better horses, and it will never be dull.
Manure...The True Story
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time
someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In
Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this
I had always thought it was a golf term!
There was a preacher who was trying to sell his horse. A man stopped by to see how the horse rode. The preacher told the man that instead of saying, “walk", say, “Praise the Lord,” and instead of saying, “Whoa,” say, “Amen.” So the man got on the horse and said, “Praise the Lord,” and the horse started to walk. The man then said, “Praise the Lord,” again and the horse started to trot. He said it a few more times, then the horse started galloping. Suddenly a cliff appeared. The man yelled "Whoa!". The horse didn't stop. He tried yelling all sorts of things, and he tried to pull the horse up, but it wouldn't stop. Then suddenly he remembered what to say. The man said, “Amen.” The horse stopped right before they fell off. The man was so relieved that he put his hand on his forehead and then said, ”Praise the Lord.”
This mare just foaled ... in the 'peanut gallery' can you pick out which horse is the only MALE???
A new variety of Quarter Horse on the Internet???
Not much room for a saddle...
But it might make a great cart horse .... save on harness!
Food bill would be cut in half! And grooming would be quick.
Trimming and shoeing ....might be a problem!
Turning on the forehand would be obsolete.
Winning by a couple lengths - would be a close race!
Save on fly masks - their tails would reach and then some....
An Alberta cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right” says the cowboy. He then watches as the young man selects one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a member of parliament for the Canadian Government”, says the cowboy.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “that was quite a guess!”
“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows… this is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog!”
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